Filed Desires

 

I wanted to write poetry

I wanted to write poetry:
           poems profound
           insight-full illuminations (from Spirit)
           Soul psalms

I wanted to write words that
           mattered, meant something, made minor moments magical
           words that
           moted and e-moted

Instead I wrote worth-doubting words
           (of suspect standing)
           halting, stilted, and stunted
           from their birth in my overthinking mind
           words I forced into awkward positions
           that fell flat (dull) in the speaking, in the reading
           despite my arrogant attempts
           to make them stand upright
           to make them impressive, recognized, and loved

I wrote phrases--lacking merit--
           that gloried in their tenacious triteness
           that took pride in their hollow sounds and misplaced images
           that were falsely satiated in their pitiful emptiness

I chose subjects less mystical and more mediocre:
           mundane moments making efforts to be miraculous
           trying but failing to intelligently and intuitively show
                    rhythm and flow,
                    depth and light,
                    substance and Soul

Yes, I wanted to write poetry.
Instead I wrote this. 

Copyright © 2012 by Vicky Lynn Macchione

Soul's Estate

 The Soul's Estate

Have all the words been written

That prescribe a Soul's estate?

Has Destiny chiseled an eternity

Firmly fixed in the greedy grasp of Fate?

Do Inner Lands--fields, hills, and moors

Exist and even grow?

Or does a finite rule restrict

The inheritance of a Soul?

Does the Soul's estate possess

One simple, solitary goal?

Or does the Universal stream

Offer profuse purposes as it flows?

Where is the Will and Testament

That allots the Soul its wealth?

Who is the Timeless Testator

From whom the Essential is dealt?

And if one chooses to disregard

The existence of a Soul,

Is the inheritance claimed

By Disbelief to pay that costly toll?

Does the Soul's estate exist

Or is it impossible to find?

Each answer creates the experiences

That pave the landscapes of a life.

Copyright © 2012 by Vicky Lynn Macchione

Note:  The background of the photo collage above was taken from a work of art by the talented artist Dorothy Fagan.  You can read more about her and see her lovely paintings on her web site.

Blossoms of Illumination

"I am what I wanted and I want what I am."

-- Meister Eckhart --

"Illuminated Blossoms" Inspired Mandala © 2013 by Vicky Lynn Macchione.  
All Rights Reserved.

(Click on the image to see it larger.)

An "Inspired Mandala" is a mandala that I created from one of my original photos, which serves as the background for the mandala and to which I add an inspirational quote. 

SON-Light

"You have no need to travel anywhere -- journey within yourself.

Enter a mine of rubies and bathe in the splendor of your own light."  

-- Rumi

"Sunlight" Inspired Mandala © 2013 by Vicky Lynn Macchione.
All Rights Reserved. 

(Click on the image to see it larger.)

An "Inspired Mandala" is a mandala that I created from one of my original photos, which serves as the background for the mandala and to which I add an inspirational quote. 

Summer Surprise

"Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place."  -- Rumi

"Summer Surprise" Inspired Mandala © 2013 by Vicky Lynn Macchione.
All Rights Reserved. 

(Click on the image to see it larger.)

An "Inspired Mandala" is a mandala that I created from one of my original photos, which serves as the background for the mandala and to which I add an inspirational quote. 

A Daughter Remembered: One year later

Jewelie Anne Mendenhall

March 31, 1976 - July 31, 2012

Before 

Before you were their daughter, granddaughter, niece,

sister, cousin, aunt, friend, lover;

Before all the joys of first times and 

the traumas of teenage tension;

Before the agony of forever trying and 

the rewards of accomplishments hard-earned;

Before all the hurts and confused communications

that lived between us;

Before all my missteps,

those of an inexperienced mother 

who wasn't sure and didn't know,

(who herself walked with insecurity and fears 

that she masked with bravado);

Before all your beliefs and perceptions of being 

unloved and unlovable,

those that colored every relationship you had

those that became the foundation for one brief life;

Before every experience that you lived 

for 36 years, 4 months:

You were me and yet not me,

You were mine and yet your own.

Within me

You started,

You grew,

You lived

With flutters of being and kicks of awareness.

Until that day when you were not content to stay inside

the close cocoon I supplied,

And were delivered,

emerging expectantly into this bright, glaring existence 

we call Life.

And so it began.

Until it ended:

A cocoon of pain

Woven around you

Your decision made

A final word:

"Please."

And one day in August

You were delivered again

Into another inevitable existence

Into the still, silent womb of another Mother

Who holds you now

Until Forever.

But before all of that . . .

You were mine.

Copyright © 2013 by Vicky Lynn Macchione.
All rights reserved.

Seeking Oneself

As far as I know, no one who knows me knows about this blog, so I feel much freer about writing what I want here. My other blog is about my art and I share my poetry, although not many people read that one either. But this one is about my feelings and the boundaries I want to break free of!

Lately I have been feeling extremely frustrated with people and myself. Actually, the fact that I am frustrated with anyone means I am frustrated with myself. I am tired of those who want to be right or think that they are enlightened and have arrived and want me to pay for the privilege of knowing them. I am tired of the fact that I am impressed by those people and fail to see who I really am, who we all really are. I am frustrated with the way people treat me and the way I allow them to treat me, as evidenced in a dream I had yesterday in which someone was urinating on me! What a telling dream.

I decided to write this post and just put it out there. None of this is a catastrophe except for the fact that if I find peace with myself the the world is more peaceful. But for right now, I am letting the frustration be here and realize that it is here to show me something that I need to know and to give me a door to the peace I want.

--Vicky :o)